Yesterday I found out where I'm being sent on placement.
All my friends are really pleased with where they are going.
They all have each other.
I'm going alone. Well, with one other person but I don't know how that'll go. So basically I'm alone.
I cried a lot. Today and yesterday.
It's made me want to drop out of Drama School completely.
5 Months in another country.
With no money.
No friends.
No hope.
I find it hard enough living in London.
Living in the Czech Republic is going to be terrifying.
I made such a bad decision coming here I think.
But what can I do now? Nothing. I'm too poor to leave.
What a mess I find myself in.
Today all I've done is cry.
My eyes hurt.
I was meant to be writing an essay comparing two principles (one from each) from Grotowski, Meyerhold or Barba's theatre practices. But I don't even see the point.
I'm not bright. How am I supposed to write 4000 words on something I can't even find 10 words on.
I think this is what a mental breakdown is.
I had to pick a weakness yesterday. A weakness I can try and invent ways to fix it and get ripped to shreds for it.
I wish I could find the enjoyment in it all but I've not felt happiness in a very long time.
I need help. I just don't know who can or would want to help me.
