I saw a top that says "CHEER UP KEATON HENSON" on his website today. I think I might ask for it for Christmas. He gets it. I think. I mean I wish he didn't get it cause I hate that he's as sad or sadder than I am.
I keep trying to pinpoint what it is thats making me sad.
Money maybe? The fact I have £0 in my bank account and that next week I need to pay back someone £33 for a train ticket and I owe my dad £15 for a train ticket, meaning that's nearly 2 weeks worth of money I owe. So for the next two weeks I need to live off what I have in my cupboard, which isn't a lot because we had weevils and had to throw out most our food. So for the next two weeks and the remainder of this week I have about 4 servings worth of pasta, 4 cans of tinned fruit, 3 sashes of cup a soups, 3 frozen salmon fillets and a pack of gluten free pink wafers. My tutors tell me I look ill, I don't wonder why.
Maybe it's that all my friends back home hate me because I'm self obsessed and only care about myself. I enjoy my life too much apparently. How wrong they all are. I now fear conversations with anyone and everyone scared that I'll mention myself and damn myself to the misconception that I only care about myself. Today I messaged two of those old friends just to say hello and ask how they were. That was several hours ago and still no response. I messed up. I lost all my friends from college. Well all but one, Alice, she's great.
Maybe its because I feel ill and weak.
Maybe its because I'm worried about where I'll be sent on placement.
I don't know. I am sad.
I'm homesick.
