I'm trapped.
I don't want to go to Brno.
Literally everything within me is screaming at me not to go.
I will hate it.
I will be terrified.
I will be cold.
and all I will want is to go home.
But if I don't go I'm a fully qualified giver-upper.
I gave up on piano.
gave up on singing.
gave up on friends.
gave up on art.
gave up on dreaming.
gave up on smiling.
gave up on happiness.
Where did I go wrong.
I want to wake up from this nightmare that is my life.
Because I hate it.
I hate that Nathan lives 411 miles away from me.
I hate that I have no money.
I hate that I can barely eat because I can't afford much food.
I hate that I have no social life because I can't afford it.
I hate that I am so flipping lonely.
I hate that I haven't been home to see my family since summer.
I hate that I have to catch a train home for Christmas.
I hate that I am being sent to Brno alone.
I hate this course.
I hate life so much at the moment.
I want to live.
I want to feel happiness.
I want to see Nathan.
I want to see my family.
I want to have a big roast dinner.
I want to travel home in the car with my Dad listening to Johnny Cash.
Maybe drama school was a bad idea.
I've not been happy since coming here.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
I'm tired of pretending I'm okay and I'm happy because I'm really really not.
